6 mistakes done by boys during approaching

The biggest obstacle to success with women is learning how to overcome your
fear of rejection. And once you eliminate this anxiety, it
becomes easy to approach women with confidence.

The problem is there are a number of additional roadblocks that
men have when it comes to approaching. Unfortunately these are
typically self inflicted. Your average man makes a number of
little (but important) mistakes which prevent him from having
true success with women.


The good news is these mistakes can be prevented. The trick is
to recognize when you're making them.And then actively work on
eliminating them!

So today I want to review six of what I call "approaching
mistakes" and then talk about what you can to make sure that you
are not making them:

#1- Negative Self-talk

The actions you take are the direct result of the words you say
to yourself. In other words, if you keep think you're going to
fail then that's what'll probably happen!

In this case, negative self-talk are the words you think right
before you approach a girl. For instance, they typically sound
like this:

>>>> "She's surrounded by all those guys and won't be interested
in me."

>>>> "I'm not good-looking enough to attract her interest."

>>>> "I don't know what to say."

>>>> "There's no way she would be interested in me."

>>>> "I'm too scared to start talking to her."

Negative self-talk varies from guy to guy. However the common
element of these thoughts is they cause you to dwell on what
could go wrong instead of what could go right. Instead of
enjoying the conversation you're consumed by powerful, negative
thoughts which often pralyze you into not approaching.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

The first step is to pay close attention to the words you're
telling yourself right before you approach. Explore what you're
saying and the feelings that these statements create within you.

Next, you'll want to take these statements and directly challenge
them. The best way to do this is to create a series of
affirmation statements that you recite. These should be written
in a positive tone that is the exact opposite of the negative
self-talk that you usually do.

For instance, if you constantly think: "I don't know what to say",
you'll want to create an affirmation that sounds like:

"I have a lot to talk about whenever I'm in a conversation with a
woman!"

To make this solution work, you'll want to create an affirmation
for each of the negative statements you think before you approach
women. Then recite them at least 2 to 3 times a day.

#2- Outcome Orientation

"Outcome Orientation" happens
when you worry too much about what could happen instead of living
in the moment and simply enjoying your conversations with women.

This is initially caused when you develop the habit of putting a
woman on a pedestal and thinking that she's perfect for you.
This often causes you to live in an imaginary world where you're
afraid to lose what you have. In other words, you rather be in
a safe place where you can imagine what it's like to be with
this girl, then run the risk of rejection.

Another form of Outcome Orientation happens when you're worried
about the negative outcomes of your approach. This is where
you dwell on things like getting rejected or being socially
ridiculed. Typically this causes you to act too preoccupied with
what could happen instead of being the cool, relaxed guy that
women find attractive in men.

Both of these Outcome Orientation situations cause major problems
for guys. Women are pretty intuitive. And they can usually tell
when a man cares TOO much about the results of the conversation.
When you make this mistake, you'll come across as too desperate.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

Remove all expectations.

As you've learned, caring too much about the outcome will cause
you to exude a needy, low-status vibe. Instead, replace your
Outcome Orientation with a mindset where you consider yourself as
the selector over being the selectee

This is another time when you can use affirmation statements to
create a powerful, confident mindset. To get started, I
recommend you write the following on a piece of paper:

"I am going to talk to this girl and see if I like her. It's
just a conversation. Nothing more. Maybe if she's interested,
I will consider asking for her number"

Write down a variation of this statement. In other words, make
it personal to you and something that you feel comfortable
reciting on a daily basis. And once you have this statement---
memorize it! Then recite it to yourself before you approach any
girl.

#3- Hesitation

When you spot an attractive girl, it's VERY easy to become
paralyzed into inaction. This happens when you worry about the
RIGHT way to start a conversation. You want to impress her from
the moment you approach and you're trying to come up with that
ONE magical line that'll hypnotically attract her.

I like to call this the "perfect line fallacy". You're SO
preoccupied with thinking about HOW to start the conversation
that you allow minutes (and even hours) to pass BEFORE you work
up the courage to approach.

But it all boils down HESITATION. Trying to come up with the
"perfect" line is a subconscious way that a lot of men lie to
themselves. It's an excuse that some come up with to avoid the
possibility of rejection. The problem with excuses is even the
best ones are STILL excuses!

And as we've discussed women are extremely intuitive. So if
you're in a room with a girl, and hesitate on approaching her,
then she's probably picking up your vibe. This causes you to be
placed in the "low-status" category because she already knows
you're too scared to approach to approach her.

Hopefully you can see how hesitation is a HUGE mistake that could
could COMPLETELY destroy your chances with a particular girl.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

The solution is simple..."Approach without Hesitation"

This is where you allow yourself a few seconds to think of what
to say, then immidiately take action. While you might not have
the perfect line, you'll at least project a confident vibe
where you're starting a conversation.

So don't worry so much about what to say. Just go up and talk.

The best is when you do this enough times, you'll train yourself
to live in the moment and not obsess over saying the "perfect
line". Furthermore your approaches will seem more natural
because whatever you say won't seem canned or rehearsed. Instead
you'll project a confident, cool vibe!

#4- Making Excuses

This a self-destructive form of negative self-talk. When you
make excuses about your life, it becomes TOO easy to avoid
creating ANY sort of positive change in your life.

Now we've ALL made excuses at some point in our lives. The
difference is doing this on a DAILY basis. For instance...say
you spot an attractive girl, a common excuse occurs when you
give yourself a reason for WHY you CAN'T approach her. Stuff
like...

"She's surrounded by other guys"

or

"I'm just not in the mood"

To be brutally honest, the "Excuses Habit" is the direct result
of the way you've learned how to handle adversity. Like one of
Pavlov's Dogs, you've been trained to take a specific action when
you want to approach a girl. This usually means you've developed
the habit of creating a reason WHY you can't approach whenever
you experience anxious feelings.

Pretty crazy, right?

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

One of the most DEADLIEST words in the English language is
"Can't!" Using this word on a daily basis SEVERLY limits what
you can accomplish in your life. And in regards to women, using
this word prevents from talking to the girls that you TRULY
desire.

Instead of dwelling on the reasons why you can't talk to a girl,
it's important to develop a "problem-solving" mindset. So if you
find yourself consistently encountering the SAME obstacle, then
it's time to figure out "HOW" you can overcome this problem.

One technique that works for me is to keep a daily journal of
your life. Specifically you can use this journal to track EVERY
approach that you make and the results. Over time, you'll start
to see a pattern of your approaches.

And when you find yourself making the same excuse, then you know
that you're encountering what's commonly known as a "sticking
point". Now instead you "CAN'T" do something because of this
obstacle, actively work on finding a SOLUTION to this problem.

#5- Anger Issues

This is problem that I see on a consistent basis. The sad fact
is there are a number of men who secretly harbor a strong sense
of "entitlement" when it comes to women.

A guy like this lives life in anger because he's not getting what
he feels he *deserves* from women. And if he sees a woman
dressing provocatively, then that somehow gives him the *right*
to treat her in a demeaning manner.

Now as you've probably heard me mention before, I get a lot of
email from readers and customers. And I've ALWAYS been surprised
at the level of HOSTILITY that some men at women.

In fact, if you pay close attention to some guys at bars & clubs,
you'll find that a lot of them simply get ANGRY at a particular
woman before even approaching her. They'll say (or think)
things how she's probably a bitch, or a slut, or has an
attitude. What's interesting is they'll say these things BEFORE
even TRYING to talk to her.

This kind of anger does NOTHING to help you with women. In
fact, you'll end up displaying a VERY hostile vibe that's
definitely not attractive to ANY woman.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

I don't have to be Sigmund Freud to tell you that anger like this
is the direct result of feelings of insecurity. Most of the
time, it comes from WANTING a woman, but feeling unable to act
upon this emotion. In a way, this anger is basically anger that
comes from a form of self-loathing.

Remember that YOU are responsible for YOUR success in life. If
you're not good at something, then DO SOMETHING about it. Don't
blame others for YOUR shortcomings.

If you're angry at women, it's probably because you don't know
the RIGHT way to attract their interest. It's up to you to
improve on this area of your life. I guarantee that with the
right mindset (and hard work), ANY guy can improve his success
with women.

Furthermore... One of the BEST indicators of success in life is
WHO you choose to spend your time with. If you find yourself
surrounded by guys who DWELL on negativity it becomes VERY easy
to develop a hostile attitude towards women. Do yourself a favor
and form friendships with people who have a positive outlook on
life.

As I said before, it's up to you to create the kind of life that
you want. You'll find that being around positive people and
developing your social skills can become the secret ingredient
to becoming a naturally attractive guy around women.

6- Believing in Luck Over Success

You'll often hear guys use the phrase "I got lucky last night"
when they have sex with a girl. I've always thought that this
is an interesting expression. When you say something like this,
it means that ANY success you have with women is the result of
some sort of EXTERNAL force.

Guys spend their "dating life" waiting for something happen.
They make the mistake of believing that fate will bring them
that special woman.

Unfortunately this a VERY dangerous mistake to make. When you
look to external factors like luck, you develop the attitude that
you have NO control over the women you meet.

It's important to shift your attitude and develop what I call a
"success mindset". This is where you internalize the outcomes
with women and understand that YOU are in complete control of
the interaction. If something doesn't go right, it wasn't BAD
LUCK, it was probably due to a mistake that YOU made.

Now this doesn't mean you should beat yourself for every
failed approach. Instead it means that you learn from each
experience and use this information to improve yourself.

WHAT'S THE SOLUTION???

The solution to your problem is simple. You HAVE to shift your
mindset from an EXTERNAL mindset to an INTERNAL one. In other
words, STOP making excuses about WHY you're not having any *luck*
with women. Realize that the results you're getting are due to
mistakes you're making.

Understand that YOU control the outcome of your life. Don't
think of yourself as lucky. Create the mindset that you CAN do
what ever you set out to do. Including increasing the success
that you have when you approach women.

So if girls are not responding to your attempts at starting a
conversation, ask yourself WHAT you're doing that's causing this
problem. You'll find yourself that this simple exercise will
help you quickly discover a solution.



WELL there you have it... SIX of the most common mistakes that I
feel guys make when it comes to approaching women.

I'm not saying that you have ALL of these problems. Instead I
feel it's important to recognize if ANY of these mistakes sound
like you. That way, you can IMMEDIATELY take a corrective action
and overcome this obstacle.

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